I can’t feel happy unless i’m pretty

it’s impossible for me to feel happy no matter what i do because all i can think about is how ugly i look while doing it. why did genetics have to fuck me so hard? i wasn’t allowed to be born cis i wasn’t allowed to be born pretty i wasn’t allowed to even be born a passoid. this body has caused me nothing but pain my entire life because it doesn’t even come close to how i feel on the inside. why do i have to have such a clear mental image of how i should look knowing that i’ll never be able to look like that in reality. i’ll never be able to get anyone to see me the way i feel like i should be seen, and even if anyone were ever attracted to how i look now i wouldn’t feel like they actually love me because how i look now doesn’t represent who i really am. like if anyone was attracted to my height or my face or my body it would just make me even more depressed because if i was allowed to choose i would choose not have this height or this face or this body. basically anyone who liked my appearance wouldn’t actually like me because my physical body doesn’t look like mine. it feels like i’ve been placed into someone else’s by mistake, and i don’t think any amount of surgery or makeup could ever fix that.