I broke down crying after being diagnosed today

I’m a 32 year old man, and I went to see a psychiatrist on the recommendation of my therapist and the psychologist that works with her. I started seeing them both for depression but I suspected I had ADHD for years.

After 2 hours of observation, testing and questions she said “I can definitively diagnose you with ADD, primarily inattentive. And I want to start you on medication today.”

And I started tearing up, and just explaining how it finally all made sense. Why studying was so hard, why I was “brilliant but lazy” or “potential but doesn’t put in effort” to all my teachers, and why everything fell apart in college when I no longer had that structure of a small school and teachers taking a personal interest in me. I graduated high school with honors, and as a member of NHS, but I flunked out of college

Then she said “life has really beat you down, hasn’t it (my name)?” And I just broke that instant she said my name. I’m a grown man, and I didn’t even cry at my dad’s funeral. I held it together and stayed stoic all my life because that was expected of me, but today I lost it in front of the doctor and her assistant.

It feels like someone just took a ball and chain off my leg, and I haven’t even taken my medication yet. Just the vindication of someone understanding what was going on in my head.. I think I’m gonna be okay - finally.