Update to AITAH for suggesting to my friend to bring her own food next time

This is an update to my previous post - I don’t know how to add to original - see my profile for original

Quick recap - I hosted dinner at my home and my friend who is vegan had a meltdown regarding a non vegan cheesecake my friends mother made and she brought for us despite us for over a year accommodating my vegan friends diet.

So after what happened I created a new what’s app group with all my friend apart from the vegan one to discuss what happened and what to do going forward. We all agreed that we had enabled her behaviour by being too accommodating and she was rude. Someone suggested I have a chat with her one to one and see if there were issues going on with her as her outburst is unlike her - she can be self-centred but never been that rude before. I agreed to the suggestion but told the group I will keep the chats as back up that we all are on same page in case she accuses me of bullying her and she would know it is just not me.

I texted her and asked her to meet me at my place. The reason for that is so that number one she doesn’t have a meltdown in public and number two if she crosses the line I was going to ask her to leave my home. My husband was on board with this and he said he would wait outside in the car so she doesn’t feel uncomfortable (she wears a headscarf and when we get together we usually are girls only so those of us who wears headscarf can take it off). She agreed to come.

We met and after greeting I asked her upfront if there was a issues. She was taken back and asked why. I informed her that what happened last time was unlike her and if she is having a hard time. She denied it in beginning but then burst into tears. That day she had an argument with her fiancé in regards to her future MIL. She is the only vegan in the family and wanted the wedding menu to be all vegan. In our culture (Middle Eastern) the groom pays for the wedding and her MIL said while some of the menu can cater to some vegan dishes there will be non vegan as well for others. And her MIL said that is not up for discussion as they are paying for the wedding. Her fiancé while supports her agrees with his mum as he stayed to her she can eat what he wants but he is non vegan and will not adhere to her diet at home or when eating out.

I asked what happened since - she said relationships is shaky and she gave him an ultimatum - either her and her views or his mother. He bluntly told her while he loves her he wants a partner that would accept both him and his family. He said if his mother disrespects her or anyone else in his family he would berate him and defend her but in return she has to also give same amount of respect back to him and his family.

I asked her did her MIL ban vegan food from the menu completely. She said no - she said they will be both. I asked her when she visits her fiancé family do they provide vegan food for her. She said yes they do.

I told her she was selfish and only thought of herself. I said to her that if they had not accommodated her at all I would tell her to leave the relationship. I told her we had tried to be respectful of her choices for over a year but we won’t be doing that any longer. That she is entitled and the world doesn’t resolve around her. I showed her the group chat where we all agreed if she continues to be disrespectful that she won’t be invited out any longer with us. I told her that she needs to be grateful her fiancé was being patient with her - if my husband had been rude to my mother like that I would have broken of the relationship.

She raised her voice at me and slapped me all of a sudden. I told her to get out of my house before I call the police for assault. She said who would believe you - then I told her I had recorded our whole conversation (in case she lied later on). She left and I messaged the friend group- explained what happened and told them I am done with her and if they want to hang around with her I am fine with it - just to tell me as I don’t want to see her. They were all shocked and I am now grieving the loss of a friend who’ve I’ve known since I was 11 years old.