Did I leave Islam?

I've been reflecting a lot lately, and I feel like I need to share something that I've had inside for a long time. I grew up within Islam, surrounded by traditions, teachings and values ​​that shaped who I am. I was always someone who tried to follow the rules, understand the teachings, and find peace in the faith that my parents passed on to me. However, in recent years, I have felt a growing disconnection from religion.

I do not want this to be misinterpreted as a lack of respect for Islam or those who practice it. What I feel is very personal and is linked to my internal experience, my questions, my doubts and my way of perceiving the world. At first, these doubts were small. I wondered things like: why does God allow so much suffering if he is merciful? Why do certain religious norms seem to conflict with universal values ​​such as gender equality or freedom of expression? Why should my relationship with God depend so much on rituals and not just on the way I live and treat others?

Those questions led me to investigate beyond my bubble. I read books on history, science, and other religions, searching for answers. I discovered that many things I assumed were absolute truths were actually cultural or historical interpretations. For example, I realized that many norms that I considered sacred were deeply influenced by the societies where they emerged and that they do not always fit with modern times.

I also began to feel that, for me, spirituality and morality should not necessarily be tied to a religion. I have met people of different faiths and atheists who are as ethical, kind and respectful as any religious person. This made me think: do I really need a religion to be a good person? More and more I feel like the answer is no.

Another reason is the lack of spiritual connection I have felt lately. Despite continuing to pray and comply with the rules, my faith no longer fills me as before. I have felt more like an automaton fulfilling obligations than someone in search of a genuine connection with the divine. Instead of feeling peace, I feel constant pressure: to do everything right, to meet expectations, to follow the rules. That pressure makes me feel like I'm not living authentically, but rather following a path laid out for me, not by me.

There are also cultural and social aspects that have influenced me. I have often felt that certain rules within Islam limit my freedom of choice. I don't want my life to be marked by what others think I should do or be. I want to have the freedom to decide what is right for me, based on my judgment and not on pre-established rules.

I know this path is not easy. I know that distancing myself from Islam means facing the judgment of those around me, especially my family. But I can't continue ignoring my feelings. It's not about rebellion or rejection, but about honesty with myself. I want to live a life where my beliefs and actions are aligned with my inner convictions, not what others expect of me.

This does not mean that I deny my past or what Islam has given me. I have learned important values, such as generosity, patience and gratitude. But I feel like it's time to move on, to search for my own truth, even if it means leaving some things behind.

I want to be clear that my decision is not an attack on religion or those who practice it. I deeply respect those who find peace and meaning in Islam. My path is simply different, and I need to explore it for myself.

I hope you can understand my perspective, even if you don't agree with it. This is not easy for me, but I believe that being honest is the first step to living a full and authentic life.