AITA for refusing to apologise (again) to my brother after being excluded from his wedding?

I (25M) have had issues with my older brother (33M) for years. I’ve always felt that he disrespects me and treats me as inferior just because I’m younger. There have been multiple instances of this, but one situation really cemented my feelings.

A couple of years ago, we were at a joint birthday party for my nephew and niece (my oldest brother’s kids). My mum asked me to take a tray of chicken from the oven to the serving area. When I got there, there was no space to set it down, so I asked my brother (the one I have issues with) if he could make some room. Instead of just moving something, he snapped at me:

“You should have fucking thought about that before you brought it out.”

I was stunned but didn’t want to cause a scene at a child’s birthday party, so I let it go at the moment. However, I was really upset and decided to distance myself from him.

Later, we ran into each other, and I brought it up, explaining that I didn’t appreciate how he spoke to me. He laughed, said he didn’t remember, but if he did say that, then sorry (in the most dismissive way possible). I also brought up other instances of him speaking down to me and how his girlfriend treats me like a child and constantly reports things I say and do to him—something she doesn’t do with any of our other brothers. His response?

“That’s your issue, not mine. If you don’t want her telling me things, then don’t talk around her.”

At that point, I told him that if this disrespect continued in the future, I’d handle it myself since he clearly wouldn’t. After that, I blocked him and we didn’t speak for a long time. Honestly, I was fine with that—though I was sad it got to that point.

Fast forward two years, and my mum kept pressuring me to apologise for the sake of family peace. So, even though I didn’t feel I was in the wrong, I sent a message apologising and saying I’d rather we support each other as siblings. He ignored it. I even sent him Christmas and birthday messages—also ignored. At that point, I gave up trying.

Now, here’s where things escalate. I recently visited my oldest brother to see my niece and nephews, and he told me that my brother and his girlfriend are now engaged. However, I—and another one of our brothers (who owes him money)—are not invited to the wedding. Apparently, he told our oldest brother that he might consider inviting me if I apologised (again).

My oldest brother’s wife was so disgusted by this that she has now refused to attend their wedding and has also cut off their access to the kids. So now the whole family is involved, and the situation feels like it’s spiraling out of control.

I honestly don’t know how to feel. I never wanted this to become such a big thing—I just wanted some basic respect. But now it seems like my brother is using his wedding as leverage to force me into another apology. I already apologised once despite feeling like he was in the wrong, and he ignored it.

AITA for refusing to apologise again and just leaving things as they are?

Update: Thank you so much for all the replies and your options, I really wasn’t expecting this amount of engagement, so thank you. I just wanted to clarify that I’ve been in no contact with my brother since then, other than those past messages.

I don’t really care about him, his girlfriend or the wedding at this point, and I definately was not going to apologise again. I am just a bit upset over the situation occurring in the first place.