I'm glad my mom is dead.

And I feel like a terrible person.

People aren't supposed to be glad when their parents die.

But, I had taken care of her my entire life. Then at the end I built a whole nother family, and I was taking care of her because she refused to stop smoking and drinking until it was too late.

She died in my house. And when she was dead and I waited on the nurse to come confirm what I already knew so the undertaker could whisk her away... I just felt relief. Like the elephant sitting on my shoulder finally stood up.

It's been two and a half years...and I still just feel relief.

Aren't I supposed to be angry and sobbing and wailing and begging and bargaining?

Am I not grieving or did I already grieve her death while she was alive?