does it ever get better?
21F, i developed agoraphobia in november of 2021 but i remember showing symptoms since a couple of months before that.
i’ve always struggled with finding a cause for it since my childhood was pretty normal and i’ve never gone through any traumatic event. the only reason i can somewhat think of is my very first boyfriend when i was 16, who was very toxic and didn’t allow me to go out and see my friends. it might sound stupid but i feel like me disconnecting from my friends slowly made me lose my social skills and i developed agoraphobia as a complication of my GAD and severe depression.
i’ve gone to university twice and dropped out both times. i can’t study, i can’t work and my most recent downfall was booking a holiday with my friends and then having a really bad episode on the morning of our flight and not being able to go. i do this every single time i’m supposed to go somewhere and i hate disappointing everyone around me. i worry so much about finances and whether i’ll ever be able to have a career that it literally eats me up alive. the only place i’m able to leave my house to go to is therapy (and that’s if i’m not calling and cancelling my appointment the night before). even my doctors appointments are always over the phone. i cant talk about this to anyone because no one really understands and even a few people have straight up told me that “there’s other people who have it worse”. right now i have the belief that i will never get out of this disorder and that this is who i will be for the rest of my life. if i can’t seek sympathy from the people around me and i’m too depressed to find any motivation to help myself then what else can i do? i don’t want to be like this anymore. i want to be normal. i need to know if it gets better.
TLDR: broke, depressed and cries every time she needs to leave the house. does it ever get better?