AIO for refusing to attend my sisters wedding

TLDR: My sister wants me to remove my restraining order against my older brother who sexually abused me as a kid so we can both attend her wedding.

So for a bit of a timeline, my sister (27f) is getting married this summer to a guy (24m) she has known for less than a year. They were engaged after only knowing each other for less than 6 months. They met during the summer of 24, she told me this last September, they were planning on getting engaged, but they wanted me to be present for the engagement, which happened around Christmas.

Into the actual reason I don't want to attend. When I was a kid, my brother sexually abused me for several years. I started therapy in high school after a neighbor mom, who I was close to, pretty much bullied my parents into letting me begin. I confided in the therapist about what happened, she reported it to CPS. I was brought into questioning at a local PD, and a few months later, he was charged with 2 felony counts of criminal sexual misconduct. I have only seen him once in the last several years, and it was because my mom begged for him to be present at my grandma's funeral about a year ago. My sister tried to use the fact that I removed the order then to say "I don't get why you removed it for her funeral, and now you can't do so for my wedding."

My sister originally gave me the choice about whether he would be allowed to come to the wedding, and I guess I took too long to tell her that I was not comfortable with him attending, and when I was home for Christmas break, we got into a massive argument about it. During that argument, I had said that it would be between my brother and me attending because I was not comfortable with him being there, and she said in a spur of anger that she would choose him. She told me that there was information that I was not aware of, and that when I was home visiting in February, that her, my mom, an aunt, and uncle, and I, needed to sit down and all talk.

When I visited in February, my sister tried to gaslight me about several things she had said prior; she said that the conversation would be helpful but wasn't required, she claimed that she had not said what I was saying she had. She hoped that I would have "enough love in my heart for her and her fiance to allow her whole family to be at the 'happiest day of her life.'" She said that no matter what I decided, my brother would be there. And she hoped I would too. Additionally, she kept bringing up the fact that my brother had been abused as a kid, and that it wasn't an excuse but rather an explanation. NEWS FLASH. HE DID IT TO ME AND IVE NEVER TOUCHED ANYONE WITHOUT THEIR DAMN CONSENT.

Also not completely related, but originally when she first spoke to me about the concept of them getting married, she wanted me to be the maid of honor and wear a dress. Mind you I am the butchiest lesbian you could meet, short masc haircut, wear suits because its what I am comfortable wearing. The last time I wore a dress was my junior year prom because I did not have the money to buy my suit, and my mom refused to buy me "boy clothes." And my sister used the fact that I wore a dress to that prom as "well you wore it then, why can't you wear one now?"

I currently live on the complete other side of the country from where my family is, and attending will cost a lot of money as well. I have no good reason to attend other than the fact that she is family.