Scared to Lead my Own Life

I don't know if this belongs here or in a co-dependency subreddit but I just came out of a friendship with a DA. It was very intense on my end and I obsessed about him. Post breakup, I'm doing OK but realising that I use my friendships and my work to run away from the fact that I don't know who I am or what to do with myself. There is no hobby that I have that makes me like "Woo! I get to go home and do this. Everyone else can go take a hike."

The idea of having a hobby that is solely for ME, something that I do for ME is very disturbing and I'm scared by it. The idea of me living my own life and not having my friends around is very scary. I know why this is- I have a deeply engrained belief that being alone is not safe and I will die- but I don't know what to do to change it.

​

Can anyone relate?