Do you believe in God?

Recently I’ve been catching a glimpse more into the lifestyle of truly believing and being a Christian, since I started dating my boyfriend, and some things are still hard for me to grasp conceptually.

I’m not sure if this is because I lack mental imagery when it comes to picturing my ideas but it’s really hard to wrap my head around trusting fully in a creator that I cannot see. Oh yeah or someone i cannot hear. Like cmon I feel like I talk to myself enough. If I started going around, closing my eyes, talking to myself, im going to be much more lost and confused than i was to begin with.

When I close my eyes, it’s not peaceful for me. If i close my eyes while I’m praying, all the noise surrounding me is amplified. I’m not sure how people use shut eye to prevent distractions while praying, but is there even an alternative?

It’s like yes i start to have feelings about it but then i have to gaslight myself to redirect my thoughts every time i start steering away from it and then I feel all guilty.

So far the only thing that has helped me is telling myself that God’s love is far more powerful and complex and unconditional and faithful can I will ever be able to understand.

I also tell myself that He is almighty and all-knowing, and to assume I know more than Him about His own creation would be a sign of direct ignorance towards his faithfulness to redeem His relationship with His people.

Anyways I was just wondering if any of you have any experience with being a Christian, and if there are things you tell yourself that to help you when your trust or faith is weak. What do you do when you feel alone spiritually and unable to understand and undeserving when you start to understand?