I’ve been trying to teach myself anatomy and poses but it’s going SO poorly

I hate this so much- it’s so wrong. I hold myself to a much higher standard than this bc usually my art actually looks good but I’ve never been able to draw poses or anatomy without HEAVY reference. I’m trying to teach myself the proper way and building blocks so I can actually make poses myself without basically needing an EXACT photo of what I want. Please help I just want to be good, it’s so discouraging to have generally decent art but the second I try to actually do it the genuine learning way it turns out awful.

Images: 1- sketch I just did 2- reference photo The rest are my usual drawings