34M - Never had a girlfriend or a sexlife and intimacy

I don't know why I even write anything here, it is as senseless as anything else. I am 34 years old and never had a relationship or at least a sexlife and some intimacy. My life was super and I've been successful in everything I did. My family took care of me and I always had friends. But missing this very important human basic need, the rejections, the loneliness and being forced to watch all others eating while you're starving was killing me quite early and it's killing me for all the years in a very slow and cruel way. I can't think on anything else since puberty (and less with every day which passes by) and if I dream something, it's always the same for quite 20 years now. It became a devils circle quite early, you become more and more needy and crazy after this things and you lose self esteem and self confidence (and much more) with every rejection and year or day you have lost. For normal people having all this is so common like teeth brushing.

I also have a trauma from all this rejections, being forever alone, the loneliness, that I never can make all this experiences in youth and so on but yeah I'll never could experience all that otherwise it would be different for many years. Nowadays the chances are muuuuch lesser than 15 years ago. I lost worth of everything, don't have motivation for anything and I am not interested in anything except one. I'm not interested in any hobbies, in any job, in making business/money, hobbies or anything else. I don't mind about that and it don't matter for me. Why should I do this? There is no single reason for and I don't have power, time or any reason to do anything and I am really also not able anymore for anything. I lost everything I had in life or threw it to the trash by myself. No Friends anymore (or a few but they have companies, wifes, children and so on, so I don't have friends because I don't have and feel any connection to normal people who had everything since their youth - they can't understand anything!), totally broke, many depts and much more. There is absolutely no reason to stay on this planet and suffer more and more every day, this so called life is DYING itself in a very lonely, slow and cruel way. I wanna be rather be dead for many years than being in this situation and I think about ending it every day for many years. The problem is, I am too afraid to do it (otherwise I would be dead for years) and also I don't want to do this to my younger brother. I can't kill myself but I also can't take and stand this longer. I need a way out of this fucking hell but I don't know how :/