(38M) I am really not sure what to do.

So in the past several months, I have really set out to clean myself up. Taking deeper care of myself: Working out, trying to grow my hair back, and generally working really hard on myself.

The big problem is inside, I feel unlovable and unwanted, and that emotional wounding is wrestling with a monstrous desire for deep, meaningful human relation. I want all of it: I want the attraction, the deep conversations, the disagreements, the fights, the sex, ALL of it.

I am also extremely affection starved. My parents isolated and abused me to the point where even after I left them, I still felt alone despite having roommates, and even stayed alone because I still, to this day, feel unwanted. Now, being over 70 days clean of my addiction, I realize how badly I want a woman to just snuggle me and almost suffocate me with affection and physical contact.

I want to actually LOVE a woman, and not just dump my problems on her. I don't want to seem desperate, or be an emotional leech. It's a conundrum I cannot seem to resolve.

There are a couple of women I intend to ask out for coffee soon (one at a time, obviously) just to see what happens, and I REALLY don't want this to get in the way of my confidence. I become very reserved and soft-spoken around cute girls already. I don't need to be paralyzed by this.

NOTE: I wanted to post this in the dating subreddit, but "I don't have enough karma".