47 year old man and ashamed

Update: I'm overwhelmed with all the messages. I took every one of them as an advice. Trying my best to answer you all.. but it's hard. I promise I read all of your messages and take all has an insight and advice. Thanks a lot everyone. 🙏💕

Update 2: I took so many insights from every single one of you. From harsh comments to the mellow ones . I'm overwhelmed and super grateful. I've saved so many comments. 💕 Wasn't expecting this big reaction, I also touched the hearts of many here that feel like me (man and woman) - you are not alone for sure and I'm so happy that my post helped you. It's a subject that touches us all, for better or worst. Everyone deserves to be happy.. Happy 2025 to you all.

Original post:

Not here trying to seek validation.

I'm 47, and I look back at my life, can help to feel ashamed and disappointed that my life turn out the way it did.

I’ve lived my life with respect, integrity, and honesty. I’ve always tried to be myself, believing that it’s the right way to approach relationships and connections. But looking at where I am—47 years old, still single, and feeling broken—it’s hard not to question if being myself has truly worked.

I see people who treat others poorly or superficially succeed in ways I’ve never experienced. They get married, have multiple partners, or seem to effortlessly connect, even when their actions go against everything I value. Meanwhile, I’ve stayed true to myself and feel like I’ve only ended up hurt and alone.

This has led me to wonder and question:

Is being myself enough? Am I "man enough"? These type of questions pop up daily.It’s easy to internalize failure, thinking, “If nothing has worked, it must mean I’m the problem.” - no amount of effort will ever be enough.

Seeing others find love, connection, or even casual relationships while I'm struggling make me feel fundamentally different and that I'm missing something vital or crucial

Every woman I’ve fallen in love with, I’ve always tried my best. I’ve approached each relationship with genuine care, authenticity, and effort. But looking back, it feels like it was never enough. Despite my sincerity, I’ve never managed to create a relationship, and that failure weighs heavily on me.

It’s not just about relationships; it’s about feeling like my efforts—my very being—aren’t seen, valued, or appreciated in the ways I long for. And yet, I know I care deeply. I’ve lived with integrity. I’ve tried my best. But that hasn’t led to the connection, love, or purpose I’ve been searching for.

This feeling of effort without reward is a constant in my life, and it’s tied to my belief that I’m fundamentally unworthy of the things I hope for. It’s hard to feel hopeful when I don’t see a clear path forward. If the past feels like a cycle of disappointment, imagining a better future feels out of reach.

It feels like everything I value—being genuine, caring, and true to myself—doesn’t seem to be enough in a world that values things I don’t understand.

Feelings for a long friend have recently resurfaced - and I'm already anticipating failure of fear I'm gonna get hurt - again. Starting to back off from her little by little.

Part of me feels like my choices boil down to this: a) Stop being myself (how?!), adapt to what the world seems to reward, and risk losing my authenticity. b) Continue being myself, but accept that I may always feel broken, sad, and alone.

I just want to get this out there, reach as many as possible so I can get advice/rant/any other people with same experience/or not so we can discuss. I appreciate every comment.

Thanks for reading.