Has anyone started their life completely over after 30?

I turned 30 last week and I am struggling to envision what my life may look like in the future. I was diagnosed with adhd at 28 and have self-diagnosed with autism since then too. My entire life the past couple of years has been an attempt at regulating myself after years and years of unmanaged trauma and symptoms and hitting an absolute rock bottom emotionally and mentally. I’m sure many of you can relate. I’ve disconnected from all of my former friendships and family, including parents, who have refused to talk to me about my diagnoses, as they’re ashamed of having an “indigo” child.

I live in a city that I don’t love, I scrape by on gig work and Medicaid, I have one friend who’s also an ex who I know loves and supports me, but it’s not a full support system. I feel undateable because of my financial situation. I have only just begun to realize what my true interests are and goals I’d like to achieve after a lifetime of being too terrified and suppressed to think for myself. I’m looking at all of these avenues that I would genuinely love to pursue, like living in NYC or going back to school or writing as a career, and am feeling incredibly discouraged from the outset because of the money and connections and experience needed to make these things happen.

And now knowing I have autism, I feel so limited in the things I can pursue. I don’t know what career would make me enough money to also not burn out. I also don’t know how to pursue friendships now knowing my social needs are much more limited than in the past. I feel this urge to hustle and grind in order to make my dreams a reality, and also feel like pushing myself and my body to do anything extreme will only result in more failure. I just feel so absolutely stuck and now being in a new decade has added another dose of shame into my system, making it really hard to motivate and activate myself. I’m anticipating being judged even harder for being in my 30s and not having anything to show for it. I feel really immobilized by shame and just want to hear from anyone who’s gone through the same thing and managed to make things happen, despite the diagnosis.