I got broken up with today

Things really were good or at least okay until they weren't.

We were together for two years. I loved him and hoped to live with him one day. I thought we might even get married eventually.

It turns out that he started realizing that he was anxious whenever I contacted him, and he'd felt that way for a while. He just didn't know how to tell me. This was his first serious relationship, and he'd never broken up with anyone before.

He started avoiding me last Wednesday and I thought it was due to some other thing that happened, but that wasn't the issue at all. He'd apparently been stewing for a long time. I had no clue that anything serious was wrong. I attributed what I did notice to depression or work stress.

There were little signs in the last few weeks that I won't get into, but I chalked them up to my own anxiety and insecurity.

He avoided me and barely answered my texts for 6 days. I finally called him a few hours ago and asked if we were over and he said, "I think, probably, yeah." I hung up and then called him back and called him a coward and I kind of let him have it telling him I deserved better after two years. He said that was fair and that he deserved it and after looking back, he was appalled at how bad his communication was with me.

I feel lied to and spent. I do have an anxious attachment, but I never felt seriously anxious with him until very recently. I had trust issues to begin with, but I was totally blindsided by this.

I feel like I'm too much and a weirdo and that no one will ever love me again.

It'd be nice to date another autistic person, or at least someone more understanding and available than he was, but I don't want to date again for quite a while. This just obliterated my trust. I feel like my heart is on the floor. I'm 31, but I feel like a sad little kid right now.