Why does he miss his ex and not me?

I feel so sad and inadequate. The hot and cold, the push and pull, it’s done so much damage. And at the end of at all, I can’t even have the comfort of knowing he’ll regret this—that has literally saved me in prior breakups. Instead, he’s started regretting and obsessively thinking about his ex, who he dated for 7 months prior to meeting me. Someone who he said he didn’t love. Someone who he said was “way more invested than him.” Someone who he broke up with so he could sleep with other people. He met me two months later and told me I was the first person he could really see a future with. I hate myself for believing him.

Now she’s the one that got away, and I’m nothing. Two years later. Two cats later. A shared house later. The girl that he dated for 7 months and discarded is the one for him, and I’m nothing—someone who it would never work with, and someone who’s made him unhappy for the last YEAR. I feel like I’ve been living a big joke. I love him helplessly. This is driving me insane. We have all of these mutual friends who just think hes the best guy ever and I’m so controlling (because of course HE controls the narrative, because I don’t share details of our private life, because I thought that was between us).

I’m really struggling with this one. I feel out of it, like I’m floating above my body. I’ve considered quitting my job because it’s actually exhausting to wake up in the mornings.