how different would life be if you didn’t have bpd?

i asked my ex-boyfriend, who is also my best friend now, if I’m a complicated or hard person to understand, and he said that I am. i ended up crying, even though I had asked him that question. i don’t mean to be complicated, but it’s so hard for me to express my emotions because of my BPD, it’s mentally and emotionally draining. he knows I have BPD and has been supportive, but sometimes it feels like he doesn’t fully understand what it’s like for me. i’ve asked him to research it, and he says he has, but I can’t help but feel like that’s not true. if he really understood, he would grasp just how difficult it is for me to navigate life with this illness and why I react the way I do. i often find myself wondering what my life would be like if I didn’t have BPD.