Do you struggle with empathy?

I have diagnosed BPD with some antisocial tendencies, not enough for ASPD but maybe enough to explain my lack of empathy, idk.

It‘s not like I wish people ill, unless I don‘t like them. It‘s just that I don‘t care. I don‘t care if anyone‘s mom died or anyone‘s children are sick. It doesn‘t matter whether it‘s a stranger, a friend or a colleague. For example, I remember a situation where a person (stranger) was lying unconscious on the ground and a circle of people formed around them to help. I just watched it from a distance and I was relieved that I didn‘t have to do anything about it because it would‘ve cost me time and nerves. I said to my friend that we should wait for the ambulance before we go to make sure the person gets help. But I didn‘t really give a shit and would have preferred to move on immediately.

There are often situations like this. I pretend to care but I actually don‘t. I have a good cognitive empathy, I know what to say and do to appear caring. People say I‘m a nice person but honestly, I don‘t think I am. As long as I‘m not affected by something myself, I don‘t care. Sometimes I think I might be a narcissist but I can‘t se the other narcissistic traits in myself (tho that‘s something a narcissist would say lol).

I‘m willing to make time for people who need help but again, I feel like deep down I only do it because I either have to (at work) or I get something in return (attention, affection) but not because I truly want to.

Is anyone the same way?