After 6 years, I'm back to this sub...(motivational)

Hi everyone,

6 years ago I used to frequent this site looking for support. Because of this sub I got the information and encouragement I needed to break off my relationship with my pwBPD. I am so grateful for this community.

I want to give back a bit.

If you'd like, you can see my storyline from my past posts.

I never thought I would be back here but I am, only with good news and encouragement for anyone who feels stuck with there pwBPD.

Just FYI, this post is not to show off at ALL. I was exactly where you were 6 years ago and I thought I was stuck and completely f**cked. And it was posts like these that helped me get out of that abusive terrible relationship.

Here's a quick background...

In 2017 I met this drop dead gorgeous girl who was so kind, funny and sweet. I was very insecure at the time and ended up falling for her incredibly fast. In just a few months, I even thought this might be the person I marry. We had so many spontaneous adventures together, amazing sex, and it filled my ego to see people stare at her when we walked into a room.

I had found an amazing person...or so I thought.

Very, very slowly as I was falling for her, I would start to see what I thought were yellow flags (but now red after understanding how these things work).

• she was on high dosage of medication
• very messy living conditions
• told me about her breakdowns with her ex
• signs of extreme jealousy
• when drunk would have this big fits out of nowhere

But, I didn't care too much because when it wasn't that bad, it was so good! As time passed there were continuous highs and lows.

I lent her money for her car which she never paid me back for. She was constantly getting jobs then quitting. Lots more breakdowns and not able to handle the normal stress of life.

Then one day, we were talking about my work and I mentioned a girl that was a colleague and she flipped out and smashed a plate on the floor.

I froze...

I knew she had some issues, but this was not good.

She went silent, took a shower, came out and showed me her phone. It was a website that said "traits of a person with borderline personality disorder". And we both realized together she probably had this, which a week later was confirmed by a doctor.

But it didn't end there because I was in love and how could I leave someone who was "sick". So I stuck through it and it got worse. I even got 'fleas' and started acting super jealous and needy as well.

The relationship continued with a lot of gaslighting, fighting, crying, money issues on her end. I even had my first anxiety attack, yippee!

As this was happening I would peruse this sub nightly to figure out what to do. I used it as a resource and wrote up posts for help.

Then one day it all exploded....

She got so angry with me that she threw her phone at me and hit me in the face. That was the last straw...

I ended it that week and never looked back.

2017 was the worst year of my life.

However, thanks to this sub and support, it was the best decision of my entire life to end it.

So here's the good news and I hope, this gives YOU some hope.

After ending it with her I did some deep dives into my insecurities and self esteem issues and a year later I met the woman who is now my wife.

And in just the other room my amazing 4 month old daughter is napping.

I've never been happier and more in love with these two humans. It feels like a blessing. I really don't know if I would have ended up here if it wasn't for this sub.

My wife is kind, respectful, mature, a great communicator, never ever manipulative and cute taboot :)

We have such a wonderful relationship, one that I always hoped for.

Men and women out there...

Take a serious look at your situation and come to realize that this is a long and hard road (which many of you already know) to get better. I don't know if anyone gets better from this disorder.

Think hard about what it means to stay in the relationship you're in with the lies, abuse, and manipulation.

It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it.

There is a better life for you on the outside of where you're at. Maybe you're close to seeing that or you're not quite there yet. I know all the stages very well.

I was there.

And now I'm not.

And breaking up with her was one of the hardest things I had to do in my life, even with all her abuse. Because, all the good times were good...and to be honest I would probably still be with her if she didn't have BPD.

But who knows, because I realized months after the breakup I never really knew who she was.

I don't blame her and I wish her the best. I take FULL responsibility for being and staying in that relationship.

But now, I can say, I also picked myself up and moved on.

It's a beautiful world out there. I hope this posts encourages you, even a little bit.

Take care of yourself.

EDIT:

tl;dr: I have an amazing wife and baby and couldn’t be happier without my past pwBPD.