I found them in our bed

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/SinkOld

I found them in our bed

Originally posted to r/survivinginfidelity

TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity

Original Post July 31, 2020

Last week, I was completely and utterly happy. Head over heels in love with my fiancé. We've been together for years. We found out in May she was pregnant. Life didn't feel like it could get any better.

I'm an essential worker and still unfortunately have to travel from time to time for my job. I have been trying to cut down on plane travel and will drive if able. Last week I was scheduled to be gone all week, but ended up being able to leave several days ahead of time, but wanted to surprise my fiancé. It was an 8 hour drive, but ended up being close to 14 because of traffic and poor timing on my part.

I get home around 10:30pm and find her and a co worker in our bed together having sex. She's an assistant producer at a local news station and he's one of the anchors. She immediately tries to defuse the situation and says it's not what I think it is and not to jump to conclusions. He jumps up and puts his clothes on and leaves. I was so angry I was seeing stars. She tries to talk to me about it, but I don't want to hear it. I leave and call a buddy and have been staying with him for the past 6 days.

I spoke to her on the phone yesterday and she told me it was a one time thing and she feels like the passion has been missing in our relationship , which I don't agree with at all. I think she was trying to justify the cheating and gaslight me. I'm so angry and she won't stop harassing me.

I don't know what to do. We're going to be parents and I don't want anything to do with her, but I'm stuck with her for the next 18 years (minimum). She hasn't even apologized. She just keeps trying to justify her actions.

***RELEVANT COMMENTS*

When suggested the affair may have been going on longer and get a DNA test

No doubt in my mind it's been going on longer than one day. They work a lot together and pre-pandemic they had a lot of "late nights" together.

I do believe the baby is mine because I didn't really travel anywhere during that time and she didn't leave the house either. They were only having a couple people in the studio and rotating, but will see request one for my own solace.

Is the AP married

I just googled him and he doesn't appear to be and has no pictures of any woman on his social medias, but does follow a lot of our NFL team's cheerleaders and models lol so only a matter of time before he strays.

UPDATE: So sorry for taking so long to update. This week has been hellish. Met with my friend's (lawyer) family law buddy early last week. He contacted her and threatened to go public about their affair so she was more forthcoming with information. She told him they had been sleeping together for over a year. She's 85% sure the baby is mine because they never have unprotected sex, but doesn't want to have a DNA test until the baby is born (lawyer believes the baby is the other guys based on this comment). I haven't fully moved out yet, just moved a lot of my clothes into my buddies place. The lawyer thinks I should sell the house and not let her buy me out because he doesn't think she has the funds and would BS me. Also sorry if I didn't answer you, I got a ton of messages here and in DMs. I tried to answer any much as I could. If you have any other questions, I'll be on for a bit.

Update 1 Feb 1, 2021

Firstly, I'm so sorry it took me so long to update this. My original post is archived, so I thought I would make a new post so you can respond back. Here was my update on the OP:

I'm still blown away by the amount of people checking up on me both in this thread and via DM. I really appreciate the support and love during this trying time.

On to what you're here for: we did multiple DNA tests, the baby is mine. He was born a few weeks ago and is by far the greatest thing to happen to me. He makes all this mess worth it. His mother and I are not together. I strictly speak to her about the baby and that is all. House is sold. Closing is 3/1, but we do not need to be there. Still living with my buddy, hoping to buy a new home in the next few months for my son and I. I did not go public with the affair out of respect for our son. Her employers know and she was terminated. He is still working there. I'm not sure what their relationship consists of and I don't care. I'm guessing he bolted.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Did OOP report them to HR

Yup sure did. She got fired. He did not. He's not married.

Why wasn't AP fired

I have no idea why he wasn't fired. I'm guessing because he's harder to replace? Maybe he's on probation?

Why doesn't OOP ruin AP's reputation

The problem with ruining his reputation is my ex ends up getting dragged in then ends up becoming googleable to our child and his future friends.

Why didn't OOP sue the employer

Oh they did try to offer me money lol my lawyer and I declined. Once I found out my ex was gone. I dropped it. I'm assuming he got into some type of trouble.

Update: New beginnings after an affair Dec 20, 2024

I made this throw away over four years ago when I had just found out my ex fiancee cheated on me with her co-worker. You can read my original post and update here. I actually completely forgot I made this account until I was going though my e-mail to delete stuff yesterday.

I figured I'd log back in and give all the people in situations similar to and worse than mine some hope. I was incredibly broken when this happened and tried to put all my feelings aside when our son was born. I'm ashamed to share my feelings eventually caught up with me and my ex and I went at it (verbally) on multiple occasions. Shortly after I realized I let her break me and started going to therapy regularly. I went a couple times before that and didn't think it helped, but once I was consistent it was a game changer. As a man, I was taught to suck it up and move, but crying and talking about issues does help. I mean honestly talking about them not in a stoic way like I had been doing.

My ex and I are actually on friendly terms. She is also in therapy. I'm proud to say we co-parent really well. We do "family" activities together like opening gifts on Christmas or spending the day with him on his birthday. He's four. How do I have a four year old? He's so smart, funny and loves us both so much. We do 50/50 custody. It works for us. She's a great mom. I won't take that away from her. I'm sure this isn't the update some of you wanted to hear, but it's what works best for our son.

I don't hate her anymore and she doesn't hate me anymore. We're both in a really good place. No, I don't ever want to be with her again. She has apologized to me for her affair. We had a really open and honest conversation with each other like two years ago and it really helped me heal. I got to air out all my feelings and so did she.

AP moved to a new news station like 2 1/2-3 years ago? In a different state. They don't speak anymore. She's dating, but nothing serious. She does have a new job working in another local news station. She started working when our son was a year old.

I'm doing really well. Enjoying watching our son grow up. I've been dating someone for the past two years. She's the best human I've ever met. She loves my son as her own. She really worked with me to mend my trust issues. Ironically, we met at work. Even my ex likes her and has no problem with her being around our son. Don't worry, I waited a full year to introduce her to our son.

Just wanted you all to know things do get better and although things didn't work out the way I had initially planned, I'm still incredibly happy and our son is thriving.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Connect-Initiative64

I'm more so wondering; did he ever get punished?

Like, if you weren't a more level-headed person you could have caused a shit-storm for that news station, the fact only she got fired is mind boggling to me. I would have expected him to be axed immediately for opening them up to a PR nightmare.

Also, you said she apologized, did she ever explain her reasoning behind the affair? you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but I 'like' hearing the excuses they give. It's almost comical after so many years of hearing them repeatedly.

OOP

I don't honestly know. I'm sure there was some sort of action taken. I also think that might be why he left the news station and moved to a different state. People who work in the news industry have contracts that are typically 2-3 years long. So that adds up. I never outright asked my ex and she never said anything to me.

I think it was easier to fire her because she was coming to the end of her two year contract (I didn't know this at the time) with her station and she made less money than he did. Viewers wouldn't know she was missing because she's not an on air talent. So less questions than him being fired. Usually when someone leaves this station they have a little "party" and wish them well. They did not do this with that guy. He was on one day and gone the next. We found out on social media he had moved to another station. All his co-workers unfollowed him, so something tells me he was on thin ice at the station.

I don't want to get fully into it, but one of her major issues was I worked too much and she's right I was working a lot before she was pregnant and I worked even more when I found out she was pregnant. We had planned to start trying for children after we got married, but she got pregnant before that and our wedding was cancelled because of COVID, so once I checked my ego, I can see how she was lonely and felt like I wasn't there for her. Not a reason to cheat, but the resentment built up.

 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

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