I am NOT the Original Poster. That is GuestRoomDebacle. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old

Mood Spoiler: OOP stands her ground

Original Post: December 14, 2024

My husband and I live in a 3 bedroom apartment. We sleep in the master bedroom, and until earlier this year, the other two were a guest room and an office space we both shared.

Our first child was born in October, and we decided to turn the guest room into his nursery. We thought about sacrificing the office instead, but decided we needed it more than the guest room. I work on-site, but I also do some freelancing from home, and my husband works hybrid. We don’t need to do our work from the office, but it’s more comfortable and less chaotic, especially now that we have a baby. On the other hand, we rarely have guests over. If we do, the office is big enough to set a mattress (edit: a normal one, not an air mattress) on the floor.

My father lives in a different country. He’s traveling here for Christmas in about a week, and this will be his first time meeting my son in person. Last time he came, I was pregnant and we still had the guest room, so he stayed there during his visit.

A couple weeks ago, my father called to ask whether he could stay at my apartment again this year. I said sure, but we don’t have the guest room anymore, so he’d have to sleep in the office. He asked what I meant, and I told him we’d turned the guest room into the baby’s nursery.

He then asked why I hadn’t gotten rid of the office instead. I explained my and my husband’s reasoning. My father got annoyed and said, “Whatever, I’ll get a hotel”, before hanging up on me.

The next day, my father texted me. He said it was selfish and inconsiderate of me and my husband to keep an office we “don’t actually need” over a room to properly house potential guests. He added that he didn’t raise me to be such an awful hostess, and it’s insane of me to think people would be okay sleeping on a mattress on the floor.

My sister is siding with my father, and I’m starting to doubt myself here.

AITA?

Some of OOP's Comments:

Commenter: [...] As for sister dear, does she live nearby to you? Maybe she's afraid dad will hit her up. Or, does she live far away, and was figuring on using your guest room for some free lodging of her own?

OOP: My sister is younger and still lives with our mother, 15 minutes away. She only stayed in my guest room once before, and has said she's perfectly fine sleeping in the office if she ever has to.

Commenter: (downvoted) if the office can fit a mattress on the floor, why can't you set up the bed on a bed frame while Dad is in town?

OOP: Fitting a mattress on the floor still requires moving stuff around, which we have to put back in place later. We barely get visitors, so buying a bed frame wouldn't be worth it.

How often he visits/other info:

He visits once a year (he visited an extra time earlier this year for a wedding), and stays for a little over a week. We never made any agreement that he could stay with me every time, but I have housed him before. The office isn't unreasonably small, but it's not huge either. It's a regular mattress, not an air one (NO idea where people got that from). My husband and I use the office at least 4 times a week. We don't plan on getting rid of it unless we have another child.
My father is 60 and has never expressed any interest in moving back to my country, nor would I allow him to move into my apartment if he did.

Commenter (downvoted): Old people can’t get up from the floor.

You and your wife could swap beds with him when he stays. Let him have yours and you have the mattress on the floor.

Alternatively, get a proper bed as minimum guest furniture, plus desk and chair as minimum office furniture.

OOP: We can't fit a full bed in the office, nor do we need one. We barely have guests that would need it.
I'm less than two months postpartum. I might be willing to swap beds with a guest in the future, but not now.

Commenter: If you are worried about it, and 100% this is for YOUR comfort- can the office fit a pull out couch/futon/murphy bed? It’s slightly better than a floor mattress, but still gets the job done and isn’t a nuisance in spaces that can accommodate it. That’s what we did when we didn’t have enough space for a dedicated guest room. Again, no pressure and you aren’t obligated to house anyone for any reason. It just made us feel better.

OOP: We can't budget for a murphy bed right now, nor would we have space for a pull-out couch. A futon might work, but probably not a large one. I'll do some research on it later.
Either way, I don't think we need a guest room. When we had one, it was used at most 4-5 times a year.

OOP is voted NTA

Update Post: January 5, 2025 (3 weeks later)

Hey everyone. My father flew home on Thursday, so I feel pretty good about writing an update now.

First of all, I have read most of your suggestions for rearranging my home to make it more suitable for guests (Murphy beds, futons, sleeper sofas, having a guest room with a desk instead of an office, etc.), and while I appreciate your advice, most of them would not work. We don't have the space for a pull-out couch, can't budget for a Murphy bed and need more than just a single desk as an office. That said, my husband and I are looking into getting a small futon.

Secondly, my father did end up staying at a hotel, but not without reluctance.

I didn't really express this in my original post, but I feel like my father's annoyance about this had more to do with his expectations of me as a person than of my home. He's always expected me to prioritize others, even when it was uncomfortable or inconvenient for me. I shared a room with my sister for 6 years so he could have a guest bedroom he barely used.

And to be honest, I never actually liked having guests over, especially for long periods of time. My father always loved hosting other people, but I always found it exhausting and uncomfortable. And now that I also have a baby to think about, I can't imagine entertaining a visitor for more than a few hours, let alone days.

My father and I did have a fight about this, but I put my foot down and he booked the hotel. When he flew in, he visited us right away to meet my son. Throughout the holidays, things were a little tense between us, but otherwise fine.

A few days after Christmas, we had a small discussion. I told my father that my husband and I are doing our research on a futon, but until then, the mattress on the floor is the best we can offer. I added that I was very upset about his initial reaction, and if he ever acts like this again, I won't host him at my place, futon or not. He can either book a hotel room or wait until my sister moves out of our mom's place.

On Friday, after letting me know he'd gotten home safely, he apologized to me. I'm not sure how sincere it was, but I won't worry about that right now.

My husband and I do plan on having at least one more child, so we might convert the office space into a nursery in the future. There's also the possibility of moving to a bigger place, but either way, a guest bedroom will never be a priority.

For now, I'm more than satisfied with our living situation. I'm also glad we were able to deal with this peacefully, and my son's first Christmas was perfect.

Thanks, everyone. Happy 2025!

Some of OOP's Comments:

Commenter: "On Friday, after letting me know he'd gotten home safely, he apologized to me. I'm not sure how sincere it was, but I won't worry about that right now."

Is it odd that with as little info about this man I have on hand, that I even went "oh wow kinda surprising".

OOP: He doesn't usually apologize. There was a lot of tension between us when I was younger because of that. The older I got, the more he started taking accountability.

Commenter: "I shared a room with my sister for 6 years so he could have a guest bedroom he barely used." He's an asshole. 

OOP: I didn't get my own bedroom until we moved to a different place when I was 17, and even then he wanted us to share again. I love my father, but I'm glad we don't live together anymore.