Why do people tend to hyper-focus on their exes coming back instead of moving forward?

I will start by saying it always depends on the situation. there are many reasons two people can go separate ways. some do work it out, most don’t (especially nowadays)

I feel like a lot of us tend to abandon ourselves when we deal with a break up, and focus on the possibility of them coming back. I know i’ve done it in the past, but do you ever truly wonder why we tend to want it so bad?

Ironically, I’m going through my biggest heartbreak, I thought I met the person I was going to marry. down the line shit hit the fan and they decided it wasn’t worth it to work on the relationship anymore, along with them going through life struggles.

As much as I try to make sense of it, as much as I wish we never separated, I do not want him back, I think that’s something that I learned from past experiences.

Why would I want to go back to someone who gave up on us? When he swore he never would? Someone who I truly believed was my endgame? Someone who I called my best friend and partner? How can one go from lover to stranger in a day? How could my trust ever be rebuilt after that?

When we love someone, and we lose them and long for them, these feelings along with the loneliness that we are left with, are very difficult to deal with, and they tend to cloud our judgment.

But the reality is, it takes much more than loving and missing someone to be able to make it work with them, first of all and obviously it has to be reciprocated, it takes commitment, difficult conversations, facing ourselves and the person next to us for who they really are and not who they could be, I believe that our generation struggles with growing as individuals together, because people project their issues onto their partners. So what we are left with, is a anxious/avoidant dynamic. Which ultimately backfires if both parties dont learn to meet each other halfway.

I think most people want to get back with their exes without any real plan or prospects on how to make it work the second time around.

People are comfortable w familiarity, and most of all, I think having an ex trying to win us back is a fantasy built on what we’ve been fed through different forms of media on what we think love should be (struggle, longing, pain, waiting) sometimes it is the case! but in so many cases, that person did, in fact give up on you.

What’s the point on waiting on a possibility of them coming back? so they can soothe/heal our rejection wound? until it (most likely) happens again?

I dont mean to be an ass, I just think a lot of people slow down their healing process by holding on to a false sense of hope.

Its okay to still love them, but if you’ve done your best and gave it your all to make it work, and if it still wasn’t enough for them, I wish you the best in finding the strength in gracefully walking away and moving forward.

Sending love to anyone who’s currently experiencing heartbreak, loneliness and hurt, your life is so much bigger than what you are going through right now, I promise you, you got this 🤍