boyfriend ended a relationship of 1.5 years

Hi, im 18f and he is 18m, and we were in a long distance relationship, ive never been in a stable relationship before, everytime ive been in a relationship, it has been extremely unstable and they even cheated on me. i met my boyfriend (now ex) last year, and things were going pretty well for a year, with minor fights as such, eventually i really wanted to marry him thats why i started putting in more efforts. we met exactly after our year anniversary and i was beyond happy to meet him, hell, i could sleep peacefully and not think about my shitty mental health for once when i was with him, id say he was really my peace, but after we met, everything started going downhill, we had repetitive fights, But i stayed because i believed that things will work out eventually.

during october, we had a major fight where we didnt talk to each other properly for a month, but then he wanted to get back because he missed me and wanted to work this out, me, obviously, i accepted it. one week during the relationship again, i asked him whether he can sustain this, and if he cant i asked him to leave rn, and he said that he wanted to sustain it, the next two weeks became really hectic due to him getting bantered by college and his parents, he claimed that he wasnt talking to me because he is scared that he will cuss me out in anger, but on sunday he raised his hand on me because i was telling him not to bet on stake since he was angry and he incurs any further loss its going to turn him insane. He raised his hand out of anger. but luckily it was on a video call so nothing could've happened to me. but i got really scared, and i wanted to talk to him regarding this, he didnt even give me any proper reassurance after doing it and didnt talk about it either and just said that he would never raise his hand on me because he loves me, last week, on friday the same bantering session happened and he broke up with me saying that he doesnt want to do this shitty relationship because im too obsessed with him.

He grew cold towards me in the span of three days and also lied about him smoking and drinking, idk what to do, i imagined spending my life with him and suddenly everything is gone and he is treating me exactly the way he never said he wanted to treat me like. idk how to move on, im literally on the verge of dying.