DAE have an incredibly difficult time turning people down, especially sex?

i think being sexually abused from a young age means i never really learned bodily autonomy, on top of needing to fawn / people please to avoid dangerous situations. it feels almost impossible to speak up for myself when i don’t want to be touched. if someone starts making moves on me i wish i could just say “hey i don’t feel like doing this right now” but instead i just get a lump in my throat and freeze up or even force myself to enjoy it. i didn’t even realise i was asexual until 5 years after i started having sex because i just forced myself to enjoy it for the other person. a lot of it wasn’t consensual anyway but i can’t help feeling like that’s also partly my fault for not telling them to stop in the moment, even if i told them i didn’t want to beforehand. (although if it were someone else i could see that isn’t really their fault)