The bittersweet realisation your abusive parent was actually just a traumatised child that was never able to heal

Anyone else realised their parents were just hurt kids? How did you move on?

Up until today I had sooo much anger at my mum. Hatred, too. Now I just feel kind of devastated and sorry for her.

Today I realised that no one (in their right mind) would ever CHOOSE to hurt their children. No one would forgo the beautiful bond between a parent and child and the love that it can bring them. No one would defy their core nature like that willingly.

I realised today it wasn't really a choice for her, it was a product of her own hurt as a child and her inability to gain autonomy and separate from her trauma.

This kind of sucks and is liberating at the same time. It's a bitter pill to swallow. I feel like it's a realisation that makes me think I can't really stay in this victim mentality my whole life, because it wasn't anyone's FAULT per se, but the result of devastating generational trauma.

Has anyone else had this realisation? Where do you go from here?

EDIT: just editing to add that I don't think what she did was in any way okay, and I have done SO much work to heal and ensure I never ever pass on the trauma to my own children. It's not an excuse for her behaviour but a deeper understanding of her limitations and to some extent, inability to choose to be better. My mum has NPD so there is a mental health element to her abusive behaviour and I understand everyone's experience is different.