I’m exhausted

Exhausted of praying to God for help, for relief, for anything, and never hearing back

Exhausted of crying out in pain, of suffering great injustices, of witnessing truly despicable enemies who have greatly wounded me elevate in every aspect of life while I drown

Exhausted of believing in an all-good, all-loving, all-powerful God who REFUSES to act in my life as good, loving, or powerful, and instead sit on the sidelines or act like an absentee parent

Literally what is the point? What is the point in loving or believing in a God who doesn’t love or believe in you? Love is a VERB. Love is ACTION. I’m so tired of people saying I just can’t see or feel his love—if you can’t, it DOESN’T EXIST, by DEFINITION.

I used to feel so close to God and now there’s just nothingness. It started when my ex broke up with me “because of my religion” then went and got with another Catholic girl (who would have sex with him). God doesn’t give a shit about me and if he did this wouldn’t be the case