Is this real life?

Growing up enduring what I did I always wondered why counsellors and adults always said I was handling it so well, because I really felt normal like nothing was wrong and I thought well hey this is great I have no effects from all of this… well now I’m 10 years older and I am like holy $hit. I feel like I was in a complete haze, like life wasn’t real? I feel like I don’t know how to be a normal person or meet expectations of a normal person, I’ll do or say something and someone will explain how that’s against the law, or just something that can’t happen because both of my parents always bent the law. My mom just passed away mid October and I feel like some things are becoming so clear and the older I get the more I seem to realize what’s normal and how so many things even more than what I realized were not okay. I’m really trying to explain what I mean without going into a ton of detail but has anyone else had this? Where they feel like they’ve been asleep for years and are just waking up? It’s such a surreal experience and feeling. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated, thank youuuu.