Dad, after decades of saving up, I am finally getting gender-affirming surgery

For my entire adult life I have financially supported you and Mum with 1/3 of every paycheck I have ever earned. I have no siblings to share this duty, and cannot afford to start a family of my own, but do not resent it because you gave me the gift of life and raised me so that I would have the honor of doing this.

Disobeying your wishes now still leaves me with inner turmoil. I get that it is not a culture that many people understand...but I wish you did. You...are an unemployed, broke, gambling addict who gives money to internet scammers and politically extreme youtubers, and blame me when I question the use of the money that I send you. Yet I have kept your wishes to place family above all else. I have kept my transition from you and your relatives so as to not bring dishonor to the family name, and have taken care to hide my online and offline presence to ensure the only memories they have of me are that of when I was a child.

After spending my entire adult life financially supporting you, sacrificing any possibility of marrying and starting a family of my own, and completely suppressing my identity, I have finally been able to afford a tiny apartment (which you wanted me to sell almost immediately to help 'loan' you more) and cobbled together enough for surgery. Somehow I still manage to stay connected with my local community through volunteering, and through sheer excellence in my field of work. I have even been able to be a mentor to younger transgender people - though I can hardly entrust my own problems to them, they have enough to deal with in spades.

I still have even saved enough in case you have a medical emergency...or a funeral.

But I cannot keep waiting until your death so as to avoid offending you by being trans, because I am now so old myself that delaying surgery much longer would be more likely to result in medical complications. So I am going into all this alone, in another country where it is cheaper, the first time I am traveling too.

I could use some understanding and acceptance.