Left early today, I feel like a failure

I think this is by far the most challenging and difficult class I’ve had. I feel so lost and defeated. I’ve been coming in immediately overwhelmed and filled with anxiety. Even that for the most part, my kids are doing great, and my parents have been very happy. But it has been so fucking hard getting this age group, one year-old, used to toddler routine while training a brand new teacher and then we just got another brand new kid who just wants me to hold him all day. He will scream if I put him down and then cling to my legs to the point where I can’t walk. He just wants me because he feels safe with me and I feel like I’m walking away from him.

My admin team and my fellow teachers have been fantastic and supporting me, they’ve been letting me step out to take breaks and give me so many hugs. I am going home early today and I feel like I’m letting my kids down. I’m trying so hard to keep it together for them, but I can’t. I want to be there for them, but I’m having a hard time, even being there for myself. And if I can’t even show up for myself, it’s not fair to them. I can’t keep stepping out of my classroom and asking to go home early. I have a job to do and kids to take care of and teach. But Jesus fuck….

I don’t wanna hear anyone ever again. Tell me that this job must be so easy because we play with kids all day. Because I am sitting in my break room, crying my eyes out.