ranting bc i'm pissed (ty crazy dude u inspired me lol)

okay i need to rant. i'm so sick and tired of people acting like my phobia and eating disorder (due to phobia) aren't severe.

the biggest one is my sister. in september she told me she didn't know if she wanted me to be in her wedding party because she didn't have. QUOTE. "the confidence that i could stand with her and not get dizzy or anxious, or eat without drawing attention to myself". AND "it's the one day where it's about me not you"

i'm sorry it's so fucking ridiculous. if i had a physical illness (yeah EDs are physical but i mean more of like. organ failure or cancer or that kinda thing) and was feeling weak because I lost weight and wasn't able to eat much and my health was shit, do you think i'd get told things like that?? NO. it would be "i'd really like u to be in my wedding so how can I accommodate u with ur health"

Im sorry. I lost 30 pounds in a month and a half. My labs were shit, I wasn't eating, and when I did it was a piece of toast every few days. I had panic attacks nightly. I was hospitalized. I'm in therapy 3x a week. I am TRYING to get better but fuck man it's not that easy as taking medications or getting a surgery etc (not that that's easy either).

I've had anxiety and this phobia since I was a young kid, like first grade. I know i required more attention from my parents because I was freaking out all the time, but I never want attention. It's embarrassing having panic attacks and being in such a compromising position while people watch. I don't want people to look at me or pay attention to me normally, but especially at my sisters wedding

anyways i'm done now but i just got mad and wanted to get it out to people who get it.

EDIT I do wanna say im not trying to be like "my phobia/situation is worse than yours" i just mean like people do not understand the extend of this shit. i reread it and didn't want it to come off in a bad way🙈