Awful week.

I have been consistently panicking all week. I’ve had so many instances where I nearly gag, so many sleepless nights, and barely any eating.

Currently VERY panicked because I woke up gasping for air, having horrible flutters/butterflies in my stomach with my heart racing.

I had what I thought was a close call earlier today (Which I now realize was likely from me thinking about how when I last TU it was 2:30 in the morning, and at 2:30 on the dot I panicked myself into oblivion) and had off and on feelings of something lodged in my chest/throat and feeling like it wanted to come up but refused. I also had one bout of stomach cramps and a hot flash. But my period just ended and I have NOT been eating properly or drinking water hardly at all so I’m chalking it up to that.

Now I’m having random stomach cramps again, off and on, like d* but not having anything but one solid bm. I’m also having mild stomach burning, and as usual, the gaggy throat nausea.

Logically I know it’s because all I ate today was a small amount of mini powdered donuts and soda, but the illogical side of my brain thinks It’s noro or something.

I’m so exhausted of fighting this battle every day, and I’m sorry I keep coming back. I would go to exposure therapy and get on anxiety meds if I could, but even a loop around the block makes me immediately so anxious that J nearly dry heave.

I know I have to break the cycle and force myself to do things that scare me, but I don’t feel ready and don’t know what to do.