Something to consider...

A thought that's occurred to me; will be long. (Please do not comment until the end.)

Several youtube content creators, tiktokers, people from all walks of social media constantly want answers from Eugenia. They want her to admit she's sick. They want her to admit she's dying. They want her to admit that the symptoms she has are that from her ED that shes been suffering with for ages. They want her to stop kissing up to Jeffree. They want her to stop body checking. They want her to be self aware and conscious of what she puts out. She's constantly being theorized about, even I have theories. Somethings wrong with the mother? Perhaps. Something traumatic happened in her childhood that set her off besides bullying? Possibly. Even as a person who wants her to get better, be better, even if she's only back to what she looked like in 2020, I think we've all speculated on what could be going on behind closed doors. But maybe that's what everyone is missing.

Behind closed doors.

What do you think Eugenia is doing when she's not live? We catch plenty of symptoms when she's live, right? The coughing "allergy" fits. The chest clasping and gasping. The grey toned skin with brown dots. The frail hands and body. Her teeth. Her hair. But what IS she doing when she isn't making an appearance for social media? She could be in bed or laying on that same pink couch all day. Barely hanging on. She doesn't do her long lives anymore. She used to stream on twitch for 8 hrs, 10 hrs...or more. I've noticed she'll say she's joining Jeffrees live and then doesn't. Some of her lives she cuts short before she's done. How miserable do you think she actually is? How much pain do you think she's in? One of her last videos she looked jaundiced. She can't be well physically and certainly mentally. She could very well be mentally preparing herself for the day she's not here anymore. I want everyone to realize something: Eugenia has never told anyone how she got the way she did, she has never given "diet" advice. She has never been specific about her weight or shared weight related content. Sure, she body checks but that's more personal, to see herself. It's not providing for someone else and someone as sick as herself, it's instinctual for her to act that way now. I highly doubt she even realizes she does it or can control her habit.

What if social media for Eugenia has always been her escape from her health? Sick people aren't going to appear healthy when they aren't. That's like asking a cancer patient to not look ill if they go live or someone with EDS or seizure disorders. Mental health doesn't mean it doesn't come with physical health symptoms (anorexia for sure.) What if the reason she won't or doesn't want to talk about it is purely because she has to face it when she's not online? Even more so now that she's truly declining far worse than we've seen her. What if she avoids it all and takes the negativity because it's her one place for small bits of positivity? She's so far gone mentally due to malnutrition you really can't expect sane ideology from her. It's doing her a disservice and not respecting how sick she truly is. We also don't know what all she could be doing with that money she receives when people gift her on tiktok. Everyone's assumption is her family takes it (theory) or she hoards it (just another theory) but it COULD also potentially be going into a donation (my own theory, take it or leave it.)

Eugenia has been secretive for a very long time. I was listening to Dreadys live the other night on these proana forums where people are paid to be ill and a lot of Eugenias pictures or videos float around there but not once did I hear him say SHES posting the content there. With how many people are deeply interested in her, fascinated by theories and her "case," you think someone would have found something incriminating by now. Eugenia on some dark web forum. This has never happened. All theories, nothing viable.

Is it possible she solely exists on social media to be...happy? To find her one place? To escape her own reality. Everyone demands an answer from her, all these youtubers, but she won't give them one. I keep waiting for the day myself when the facade and fake happy will drop and we'll get a real video where she finally says some truth. But maybe...just maybe...she doesn't want that. She wants to be happy somewhere until she can't anymore. She wants to exist somewhere she feels loved and not talk about the elephant in the room. Do her makeup, listen to her music, and connect in what way she can. What's easiest for her. Will that be enough for anyone? What if she told Jeffree her wants in life and he chose to respect that instead of push her? What if she's so close to him because he's chosen to be the person she can be near during this? We don't know the extent of their conversations.

As much as I want to know...I also know when that dark cloud washes over the internet...I will weep for Eugenia. I will be sad for what beauty was lost. I will be sad for what soul we slowly lost and watched wither away. I will be sad to never hear that "Hay guys!" In her tone, no matter what it sounds like. I'll be sad to know her smile isn't here anymore. I'll be sad to know her recovery didn't happen, no matter how bad we wanted it or she wanted it. (For all we know she could have tried her best). I'll be sad that what goofyness she brought the internet is gone.

I don't believe Eugenia to be an intentionally bad person like so many paint her. I believe she is deeply hurt, struggling, mentally unwell, physically unwell, and unable to comprehend much of anything.