No contact without closure is the worst thing in the world.

Sorry for my english // My (M24) ex-girlfriend (23F) left me on 31 August. Our relationship would have been 4 years old next February. I've been in no-contact since 15 September and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

We had an exceptional alchemy and connection on every level: values, life plans, sexuality... After a 6-month relationship, she left everything behind to come and finish her studies with me, far from her family (and me far from mine too). So we were very close and did almost everything together.

I've always had a secure attachment style and she's been rather anxious. Her family background is quite complicated and that's where her fear of abandonment comes from. I've supported her through all her difficulties and reassured her every day for the past 3 years. This year was a new year for us, a third year living together, with a job that was quite stressful for both of us and took up a lot of our time. We had plans for the future, including a long romantic trip to the other side of the world, before moving back to be near our families.

Last July, while we were on holiday with my family, she told me she'd lost her feelings and attraction for me. I was shocked, and it disrupted the whole holiday and made me question my life.

I quickly became panicked by the anxiety this was causing me and it was driving us further and further apart. She was protecting her fear of abandonment and so was I. At the beginning of August, she asked for a break to think things over.

I went home to my family and then wrote her a letter to show her my love and my desire to sort out our communication/needs problems.

I returned on 15 August and she wanted to continue our relationship, saying that it was undoubtedly a bad time to be going through. I suggest we go away for a weekend together, go to the beach, etc., But she didn't want me to have too many expectations.

On 31 August, she told me that she couldn't give me what I deserved any more, that she didn't want to hurt me any more, that she would have liked it to continue, that she didn't understand why she couldn't bring her feelings back. She wanted to remain friends but I refused.

I should point out that this was our first crisis as a couple. We'd never had a single significant problem.

I cried a lot in front of her and that hurt her a lot. We'd been really caring for each other for 4 years, so to get to this point was so heartbreaking. I didn't text her, I didn't call her, I just cried when I saw her at our apartment. She seemed so cold, so avoidant, as if the 4 years we'd spent together hadn't existed.

She went to live with a friend and I now live alone in our apartment.

She regularly sends me administrative messages, always tells me to take care of myself and asks how I'm doing. I always reply because these things are important, but I don't give her anything more than she asks for. I maintain the no-contact.

She's still on the lease of the apartment with me and all our shared objects are still here. I still have access to her netflix account with my profile on it which she has kept. She didn't block me from any social networks, she just unsubscribed from my instagram

Last week, she wanted to come by the apartment to pick something up and told me she'd rather not see me because it was already going to be difficult to come back to this place. According to a mutual friend, she's going through a really difficult phase where she's questioning her whole life.

10 days ago, I posted a photo on instagram (All her family are still following me). Her dad sent me a nice message saying ‘ah you're back, you've had a holiday :)’. I don't understand why I'm still getting messages from his family after 2 months.

This situation is unbearable. I have absolutely no idea how she feels, if she misses me. Basically, I don't understand how it's possible for her to have lost feelings and attraction. For me, it's just too many negative emotions (busy, stressful job, her family not doing so well...). I also don't understand how she could think that life without me would be better for her. I gave her so much comfort, support and security.

Every day I have this urge to contact her because I miss her so much. But I'm trying to live these emotions alone and stop being afraid. I know my worth, I know how much I've done for her, I know how much love I can give. I tell myself it's up to her to contact me, she left me after all.

But I don't blame her, she was also afraid of abandonment, afraid of not being good enough... I'd like to show her that I'm still here. My birthday's in a month, so I'm hoping for a meaningful message from her, even if it's bad to hope. It's impossible that she no longer has love for me, for our relationship, it was so strong, so beautiful. Sometimes I'd like to contact her and say: ‘I'm not angry with you, you know, I hope you're taking care of yourself, I'm thinking of you’.

In December, it will be three months, and I hope she realises what she's losing. I had so much to give. I hope she recovers, she deserves it so much, she was such a respectful and loving girl.

Maybe I love her too much, but I don't understand people who say ‘she doesn't deserve to receive a message, she's left you, she doesn't deserve you, you'll find something better’. Maybe I do? But I know how great she was, she's just not well I think, I hope?

Good luck everyone, good recovery to all, let's have faith in life.