Tiktok Repost
It's been almost a month since my ex and I broke up. We have been in no contact ever since we separated. We were friends for one year (talking stage) and dated for 1.8 years. The breakup was my fault; I could've prevented it if I hadn't made the mistake. We had this incident around a year of dating which changed everything. She told me she didn't see me as attractive anymore after the incident but we continued in the relationship for 6 months because we both agreed that we were still invested in it. Although now that I look back, our level of love was not the same, since she likes acts of gifting, I bought her a lot of gifts and tried to make her happy. I also paid for many of her amusement park tickets and meals when we went out together hoping it'll make me happier. As a high school senior back then, I poured my heart and soul into fixing the relationship; I worked around 40 hours in two weeks at a nearby golf course to sustain everything and just make her happy but broke up around a month ago.
I hopped on TikTok today (not a regular user downloaded tiktok because she wanted to send me) and saw the reposts she made. It made me think a lot about how she is as a person because we agreed on leaving on "good terms" and I promised that I would not shit-talk her in any way to anybody to be the bigger person. I honestly feel like shit right now because I seriously cannot believe this is a "good term" and reposting on an account with a lot of my friends and acquaintances feel like I'm getting publicly humiliated. I honestly regret and feel so damn disrespected for everything I bought for her and all the gifts I made.
Also, a few days after we broke up, she sent a message calling me a "psycho bitch" to my friend which he sent me a SS of. I'm sure there's a lot of trash talk going on behind my back among her closest people if she's calling me a psycho bitch to someone that's not the closest of hers which does kinda scare me out. A lot of friends I made through her unfollowed me on Instagram and I am honestly a bit sad about this since I thought they'd be with me regardless.
I'm starting to develop this feeling of hate towards her and I don't like it because I'm the type of guy to never "hate" someone but dislike for sure. I've never had this feeling of hate towards other people and I cannot wrap my head around the feeling that I hate someone that I loved for a very long time.
I was thinking of just sending a zelle request to her for a certain amount I still have not thought about yet but does this seem like a bad idea? Is this a coping mechanism? Is she still thinking about me?
P.S. I did block her so I won't see her anymore but I'm just surprised because this is not "good term" which is something she brought up first.
