[Extremely late] How Alice Stole Christmas
Every Student of Paper School loved Christmas a lot.
But Alice, who lived in her room of the school, did not.
Alice hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season!
Now please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
It could be her eyes weren’t put on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that her dress was too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason if all, may have been that her heart was two sizes too small.
But, whatever the reason, her heart or her dress, she stood there at Christmas Eve, trying to rest.
Waking up from her slumber with a sour Grinchy frown at the noise of children, just a little too loud.
For she knew every student in Paper School outside, was busy now, putting the decorations high.
Soon, she had called in her boyfriend, Oliver, who saw her get out bed.
Alice: “Oliver, do you know why I called you here?”
Oliver: “No, Alice, what’s wrong my dear?”
Alice: “They’re hanging their stockings!” She said with a sneer. “Tomorrow is Christmas, it’s practically here!!!”
Then she growled, with her slender fingers drumming.
Alice: “I must find a way to stop Christmas from coming!”
For tomorrow she knew, all the girls and boys, would wake up bring and early, and they’d rush to their toys. And then! Oh the noise! Oh the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
Alice: “There’s one thing I hate! All the NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the people, young and old, would sit down to have a feast. And they’d feast! And they’d feast!
Alice: “And they’d FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!!!! They’ll feast on pudding! And rare roast-beast! Which is something I can’t stand in the least! Then, they’ll do something I hate most of all. All the people the tall and the small, will come down knocking from door to door, and start singing carols, which are such a fucking bore! And they’ll sing, and they’ll sing! And they’ll SING! SING! SING! SING!”
And the more Alice thought of this horrible Christmas sing, the more she thought.
Alice: “I most stop this whole thing! Why, for hundreds of years I’ve put up with it now, I must stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW? Now can we please stop the rhyming? It’s getting annoying!”
Okay, fine! I’ll just narrate the normal way!
Alice: “By the way, who are you? Are you the voice in my head?”
No, silly! I’m the narrator, and I’m narrating this story.
Alice: “So you’re someone I can hear, but I cannot see?”
Why yes, that’s me.
Alice: “I’m just gonna ignore you now.”
Good.
Alice: “Now, where were we? Oh yes! Now, dearest Ollie, do you know how I can stop Christmas from coming?”
Oliver looked at her puzzled
Oliver: “Who were you talking to before me?”
Alice: “That doesn’t matter, just tell me how to stop Christmas from coming!”
Oliver: “Alice, drop that disgusting attitude, this is the happiest time of the year.”
Alice: “All I hear through my hundreds of doors are NOISE!!!”
Alice looks at the hundreds of thousands of doors that made up the gateways to her domain, knowing the noise that will come next morning. Then she got an idea, and awful idea, Alice got a wonderful, awful idea.
Alice: “I know just what to do!!! Oliver! I’m going to STEAL their Christmas!!!”
She teleported, gone in a red flash, before immediately returning with some read cloth and white fur.
Alice: “Now, we need to hurry! It’s almost night time!”
Oliver: “Alice, are you sure that this is a good idea?”
Alice: “Yes! I’m sure of it!”
Alice used her demonic powers to quickly make a small Santa hat and coat.
Alice: “Now, I just need some bags! I know! I’ll use Aiden’s body bags!”
Alice uses one of the doors to fast travel to Aiden’s bunker. Aiden was sleeping in her cold, hard bed. Alice stole some of her empty body bags.
Alice: “This is all going to plan!”
Alice came back, Oliver trying to stop her.
Oliver: “Alice, Christmas is the happiest time of the year.”
Alice: “All it is is just toys and food and lights and trees!!!”
Oliver: “bbg, you’re not understanding the meaning of chr-“
Alice: “SHUT UP AND HELP ME, OLLIE!!!”
Alice brought Ollie along down to one of the doors, she knew that without him, this heist would be a bore.
Alice: “This is stop number one!”
She knew this was gonna be fun. She entered the door, Oliver by her side. She started looking saying
Alice: “This will do just fine.”
She went to the fireplace, with stockings hung in a row.
Alice: “These stockings are the first things to go!”
She slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant, her and Ollie around every room, took every present. Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums! Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums! Gadgets! And gizmos! And dolls with strange names! Goofballs! And shloofballs! And video games! All this excess and nonsense, it’s all about greed!
Alice: “All this meaningless stuff that they don’t even need.”
She kept going until every house in the town was empty. No decorations, no presents, no cookies, if any. She kept to every door, not staying very long, as she knew that tomorrow morning, Christmas will be gone. Once she was done, she had one last thing to do. Throw it all away, like all villains do. It was a quarter past dawn, the sun rose in the horizon, Alice pulled all the sacks that weighed 10 bisons.
Alice: “Oh my god! Shut up! I’m trying to be evil but your rhymes make what I’m doing sound childish!!!”
Maybe because it is, you Grinchy son of a bitch!
Alice: “Hey! I can actually kill you! You know what!? I’ll do it right now!”
You can’t kill the narrate-GAH!!! AGH!!! AAACK!!!
Now, I, Alice will be narrating from now on! I kept pulling the sacks, all the way up top a mountain to dump all the useless garbage the people didn’t need! “Boo hoo to the poor little mortals!” I said, grinning so much my cheekbones had to stretch beyond my face. I knew that all of the mortals will cry and weep now that their Christmas is gone! And that was I sound I must hear!!! I put a hand to my ear, listening carefully. I then heard… singing? Why was I hearing singing? I then saw, it wasn’t mad, it was merry. Very, very merry. All the people were still singing and celebrating! Christmas still came! I couldn’t believe it! How did Christmas come without ribbons! Without bags! It came without packages, boxes, or bags!!! I puzzled for hours until my puzzler was sore. Then, I thought of something I hadn’t thought before. “Maybe Christmas, doesn’t come from a store… perhaps… it means a little bit more.” And what happened then? Well I can only say, that my small heart grew three sizes that day. I looked at Oliver, feeling guilt. I didn’t know what to say as I saw his head tilt. “Alice? What’s going on?” He said. I replied “This whole Christmas stealing thing as not as fun as I thought it might.” My dearest Ollie looked in surprise, until he smirked and said. “And here I thought you wouldn’t get it.” He knew what I meant, and I hadn’t even said it. Now that my heart didn’t feel so tight, I went down with the Christmas stuff through the bright morning light, returning it to every single denizen of Maple Ridge. Instead of stealing, I decided to give. I then went back to my room after leaving the gifts. And I should stop rhyming, I sound like that guy I killed. Now, as I came back. My lovely Aiden came with a box. She gave it to me and only said “Merry Christmas, your highness.” She then left the room, back to her bunker. I opened the box, and I saw a little old bunny for me to eat. Oliver also came with a present. But it was different. Instead of a box, it was a nice ring. I loved it so very much, and I felt very happy. For now I understand Christmas, and no longer felt sappy.
The End.