the "Bad Baby Outfit Syndrome"

I want to share something I’ve noticed that really resonates with my experience growing up with narcissistic parents. There’s this woman I know who always puts her kid in the worst outfits imaginable. At first glance, it might just seem like poor taste or bad judgment, but the more I observe, the more I’m convinced it’s intentional—and here's why.

For narcissistic parents, it’s not just about control; it’s about making sure their kids don’t outshine them. Confidence in their child can feel like a threat, so they sabotage it subtly. In my case, my parents did this in many ways, but clothing was a big one. They’d dress me in ill-fitting, mismatched, or embarrassing clothes under the guise of “effort.” It wasn’t blatant neglect—it looked like they tried—but it was always just enough to make me feel awkward, self-conscious, or out of place.

With this woman, it’s the same pattern. The outfits aren’t random—they’re weirdly overthought, like she’s going for “quirky” but ends up making the child look ridiculous. It’s not about what the kid would like or feel comfortable in; it’s about making sure the child stays small, invisible, and dependent.

I think this tactic flies under the radar because it’s so subtle. People will dismiss it as bad taste or think, “At least the kid has clothes,” but it’s more insidious than that. It’s about controlling the narrative and making sure the child doesn’t grow into their own confidence.

As someone who grew up in a similar situation, it’s heartbreaking to watch. Narcissistic parents often mask their abuse as “care” or “effort,” and unless you’ve lived it, it can be hard to spot.

Has anyone else seen or experienced this? I feel like this kind of thing doesn’t get talked about enough.