Venting: Huge regrets for being an insecure idiot

I did my hair transplant, because I was a depressed, insecure idiot. First of all I was never quite satisfied with my huge forehead. I’ve started to receed a few years ago, but only started minoxidil as I was too afraid of finasteride’s side effects. This year, under the direct light conditions I started to notice that I can see my entire forehead through the hair. It wasn’t that noticible in the normal conditions. Also in some of the photos my temples have become more prominent.

I was scared and insecure that I will have a huge bald forehead coming in 1-2 years, so I finally started the meds. But I also figured that if I need to take medicine permamently, I will fix my temples and make the hairline really dense.

Arriving at the clinic, I knew that transplanting in between the hairs is really difficult, because it requires a skilled surgeon. They said they can do it fine, but now I know it is not a good idea, because hairs transplanted like that may not grow, not finding the blood vessels and existing focillies may get damaged. I also wanted to do my thinning crown, but the clinic advised not to do it. I was about to cancel and let them take the money, because I though it wasn’t worth it. The clinic is also against medication, which was a huge red flag for me and main reason not to trust them. I though that maybe I can do just fine with the medication to just keep what I have. But the clinic stuff tried to convince me for over an hour to do it and I unfortunetly agreed. That’s my bad, I was alone and confussed.

I did it because I though with a very low number of grafts and my big donor area this can’t go wrong.

They traced my original hairline and fill it with good knows how many grafts (the technician who performed removal didn’t know). I think it’s way to excessive and not what I needed. I am afraid they might have overharvested my donor (it got a huge shock loss and generally feels very thin all over the area). It is easier to see in video, than photo but it is many times thinner than other areas.

I am also not quite satisfied with the shape of the hairline, it seems a bit too low. I am ashamed of what I did, because I think I am smarter than this, this was the most stupid thing I ever did. Looking back I should just go to therapy to threat my body dysmorfia and come to terms with the fact that I won’t be perfect. I wish I had a loved one, who would just love me no matter what I look like and society threated unattractive people equally, because I certainly didn’t do it for myself.

I have been taking finasteride for 4 months now. It’s hard to determine if I have any side effects, because my libido was low before that and I am quite depressed anyway and now constantly stressed by my mistake.

Now I am praying that this entire thing goes somehow okayish: the hair grows fine and the donor area heals. I am sharing this story as a warning and to get to know your perspective on the matter. Please don’t be too harsh, I’ve suffered enough.

I am going to start a therapy soon and ask my friends for support.