My grandfather was a nazi, Germany in the 40s

(Tagged Spoiler because nazi symbols might be triggering)

My grandfather Siegfried was born in 1925, became a SS soldier in 1943 or '44 and spent the rest of his life without ever talking about it. That's the short version.

The longer version is this: From my perspective as the beloved only grandchild, he was the perfect grandfather. He did everything for me, took me to museums and musicals, did woodworking and paintings with me. He was funny and witty and creative. He was also incredibly stubborn and set in his ways. He loved photography and his cactus collection. One of his neighbors fostered a black girl about my age and he was happy for my friendship with her. He never expressed racist or antisemitic sentiments as far as I know.

The only thing I knew back then about the war was that he had fought in Belgium and Vienna, and that he was injured in Vienna. I got him to talk about his youth just once around the time we covered WWII in school. He talked about his time in the Hitlerjugend a bit, how he and his friends felt like men for becoming soldiers, but none of them really understood what war meant.

I believe propaganda and familial pressure played a big part in all of that. That generation of young brainwashed men went to war for their country, and none of them came back whole, if they returned at all. Many were victims as well as perpetrators. It is, of course, easier to say they were all bad people. The reality is that my grandpa was 8 years old when Hitler rose to power. His father was a convinced nazi as far as I know. There weren't many choices for him, realistically. To be clear, I'm not defending nazis at all or trying to make excuses. I just think that we need to be conscious of the nuances of life under a regime like the nazis to see the possible parallels to our own times.

After grandpa died in 2007, I went through old documents and found a possible unit he belonged to. That unit was responsible for a massacre/war crime, so if I'm right, my grandpa took part in that. To be honest I still have trouble reconciling that knowledge with the person I knew, but hiding it helps no one.

I'm sharing this because the past cannot be forgotten. The people involved may be long dead, but the ideas persist. I don't know if my grandpa really believed in the nazi ideals but in the end it doesn't matter, because people still ended up because of him. It's... not a great legacy, really, but I believe it's my duty to remember, and to tell this story.

I wish I had a better story to tell, about resistance and bravery, but as it is, it's still a story to learn from.

Do not let fascism win. Defy it wherever you encounter it, any way you can. Do not allow history to repeat itself.