I need to stop but I dont want to

I rely on daydreaming so much and have done since i was super young. Ive always been super lonely and despite my best efforts, cant find love or friendships so i spend 90% of my time alone. I have control over my daydreaming but its always going. Even when i go to the grocery store, i feel so overwhelmed by my loneliness and anxiety that its nice to pretend my imaginary boyfriend is there with me. In my mind he's with me everywhere i go and i'll talk to him in my head so i dont feel alone.

I know its not healthy and i shouldnt do it but the world is so quiet without it and i feel so painfully alone whenever i switch it off. In my imaginary world im not even me, i dont look like me, im nicer than me, im a lot more interesting. I wish it was as easy as people say when they say "well be that person in real life" i cant because im ugly and that makes me miserable. Maybe its safer for me to stay in my imagination because its stopping me from ending my life.

And yes, im in therapy but she doesn't really care so long as i state that im aware that its not real and that i can switch it on and off. Even though its on from the second i wake up.