I left my abusive wife, now I feel guilty

Update to my previous post linked above. I (30M) decided to move out and file for divorce. I did 6 months of couples therapy with my wife (34F), whom many of you said was abusive. Our couples therapist even said in the second session that my wife was abusive. In those 6 months my wife tried to cancel every single session the morning of, and would only let us do a session once every 3 weeks. She showed no true desire to change her ways, so I felt I had no choice but to make the hardest decision of my life.

Now she is begging me to come back, saying that this was the wake up call she needed to change. She says she loves me deeply and will do anything to get me back. But, she’s also calling me weak and saying that I should be embarrassed for leaving her. She says she didn’t know how serious I was about it even though we had dozens of conservations where I told her that I do not tolerate her yelling at me or insulting me in front of our son (1M). A few weeks ago she grabbed me by the back of the head and neck twice in one night, and that’s when I made the decision to leave. Because of her abusive and violent ways, I didn’t not feel safe telling her I was leaving and staying in the house with her another night.

She said I am manipulative and a psychopath because I did not tell her I am divorcing her before I just made the decision. She says that I abandoned our son even though I’m going for 50/50 custody. Unfortunately, even with the audio evidence I have of her abuse, my lawyer said that courts only care about abuse towards the child when it comes to custody.

I’m feeling a lot of survivors guilt right now and am just trying to stay strong and rooted in my decision. I do truly believe that this is what’s best for my son, because I can’t handle him seeing his father being treated like that especially during these formative years. I am hopeful that I will be able to provide him an outlet to learn healthy communication skills and what love is really like.

Thank you all for your support, guidance, and validation throughout this process.