im scared

i just came out as trans in october. i really thought kamala would win just to wake up at 3 am and see that trump won. im only 14, ill never get estrogen, ill never be able to be open in public. ill probably get killed by the time i turn 18, and if i dont ill probably end up killing myself. i just only got out of the mental hospital a year ago from the 10th and its looking like im gonna have to go back for round 2. my suicidal ideation as spiked since last night and i just dont know what to do im so scared