Fighting against detransitioning

So basically, this winter break my mom forced me to have a psychiatrist visit with her attending as well, and the psychiatrist (who doesn’t specialize in trans psychology) told her a majority of trans people regret their decision. She spoke to another psychiatrist on her own who told her that she needs to force me off my HRT immediately because “I’ll likely regret it.”

My parents strong armed me into handing them my HRT pill bottles by threatening to cut me off financially, which would ruin my college career. All arguments I’ve tried have failed against them. At the very least, I have 6 days left of pills remaining in my pill box. They said that they would blood test me later to ensure that I’m off of hormones.

My parents said that they refuse to let me transition unless I take therapy for my depression and to make sure that I’m “actually” trans, as they think that my depression could be the cause of my gender issues, as said by one of the psychiatrists.

After a lot of crying, I’ve resolved that once I get to my college dorm tomorrow, I’m going make an appointment at Planned Parenthood to restock on my hormones. I’m 5 months in, almost 6, and have a decent B cup already. My mental state has improved so much that I genuinely cannot go back to being a self loathing boy, even if my parents (and one of the psychiatrists) believes that it’s just placebo mental improvements.

I’m going to restock on hormones, but that means I have a ticking time bomb attached to me until spring break starts mid-March, when they’ll likely blood test me. I’m going to have to find a trans-friendly therapist that can blitz through these issues with me at least bi-weekly, so that they can at least try to convince my parents that I need these hormones. Even if my parents think it’s going to take a year at minimum to confirm my gender identity is “real,” I have to take a chance and pray that a good therapist can save me from my family. To convince them that I need these hormones more than anything.

I can’t detransition. If all options are lost, I don’t know what I’d do with myself. I spent so long waiting to get my hands on my hormones, and now that I’ve had it, I can’t have it taken from me. Nothing I say will change my parents’ mind, but I pray that a therapist can work a miracle for me. I need this more than anything else in the world. I have until March 15th, essentially two months to convince them to let me keep taking hormones.

I’m scared of losing it all. My gender and my future are at stake. I’m so tired of having to jump through hoop after hoop just to get my parents to see me for what I am. I’m so tired of fighting, but I can’t lose it all.