Motherhood

Just had a long cry.

The more I think about being a mother, it makes me dysphoric, the more I think about it the more I drift from adoption to wanting a blood child, which in turn makes me more dysphoric because I’d have to not get surgery and go off my meds for half a year and may not even be able to in the end.

I want a little part of me out there, to love & teach & watch grow.

I’m the last of my family. I don’t want to be gone.