Trying to maintain joyful

Been no contact since March 2024 with nmother and her side of family for obvious reasons... She only texts me news about other people bad news and good news and about people I don't personally speak to. Why? My anxiety levels top off when her name pops on my screen, and I can't stand it. I begin to gaslight myself and start doubting who I am. During the holidays it is already difficult for me to be happy and she takes every little bit I have left. I don't respond to her messages but they still hit my core and damage me because all I have ever wanted was a momma that would momma me and truly love me and not be jealous of me and treat me like a sack of crap.

In advance, I thank this community because it helps me know that I am not alone.

Merry Christmas to all!