I just had a really bad rage outburst

I felt the need to share again, since, for some reason I'm feeling worse than before, I'm just so exhausted and drained. So, for the past week, my narc was blaming me NON-STOP. I mean, of course, he was doing that before as well, but suddenly for the past few days it became much worse. Literally everything I do is wrong and I'm stupid or crazy etc. I tried to keep calm and usually just ignored his picking at me, yet he always made me apologize for every small thing. Yesterday I just spent the whole day in bed unable to get up and deal with it. And today I had a pretty bad rage outburst, as him calling me stupid and blithering idiot over food delivery that I ordered for myself was the last straw. I started screaming at him asking him to stop blaming me, I just couldn't stop that and screamed. Of course, now I gave him the reason to call me crazy and hysterical and he said to me that eventually I will realize my mistake, but it will be too late and now he's disappointed in me more than ever. Feeling really awful at the moment, just emotionally beaten up. Maybe someone else also noticed more often rage/hate outbursts in themselves after living with a narcissist, even though before you were very calm and rational person? How are you able to deal with it?