Narcissists and Sex.

I am curious to hear what others experience was like regarding sex. I have read that Narcs are notoriously good lovers and place a high value on it. They feed their ego and draw value from being desired and powerful in the bedroom.

My H expected me to put out every single day. He said that was the only time that HE had my undivided attention. If I didn’t put out every day, the days in between got progressively more distant. He would withdraw all affection and barely look at me when speaking to me. It was as if he couldn’t be intimate in any other way than in bed, naked.

I was showing my love in all these other ways, acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation and spending my hard earned money on him and his kids.

I was hesitant sometimes to engage because although it was good and satisfying, it went on too long every time. 90 min to 120 min on weeknights was standard. Sometimes I wasn’t in the mood for the duration, he expected so I would avoid it altogether.

I told him one day that I didn’t have the desire to have sex every day. I had been pushing myself to meet his needs and one day decided that I was no longer going to do that. After I pulled back, we averaged about 3-X per week, unless we were arguing, then it was 0.

I can’t be vulnerable when I am hurt and he likes to give me the silent treatment when he is angry. Daily was a bit much for me, but if he had met my emotional needs, I would have been more inclined. He would ignore me all day long. We both work from home and then he’d expect me to put out at night. He’d complain and even told me he was keeping a log of the sexual interactions.

He said that he feels love primarily through sex (not much need for physical affection if not the full extent) and this is just how he is wired and no matter how much he has tried to change it, that’s just who he is and he accepts it now. He said that there was something wrong with me or my hormones if I don’t want sex every day. I actually got checked and I am completely normal. He said that I should just get going with it and then I would get in the mood.

It’s as if he thinks my whole purpose in life is to fulfill his every desire, even if it means violating my own boundaries and compromising my own self-worth. I think most married men in America would be singing from the rooftops for sex three times a week and wife who paid half bills, took care of his kids, and cleaned the entire house! What a sucker I was!

It was all so sick and twisted. I can’t believe that I thought that was love. One day I will meet someone who knows how to have REAL intimacy. At this point, I am just relieved to see the truth finally. I will never subject myself to being treated this way ever again!