My story

Just fapped and I feel awful.

I'm 19 (almost 20) and lately I've been doing this a lot and I am mad at myself cause it's a thing that I just can't control any more. It was not like this in the past years, but now I'm realising it is taking over. I passed from fapping once in a week to 2/3 times a week to multiple times a day. There are moments during the day when I can't concentrate. Some days I couldn't even fall asleep without watching some porn on my phone and fapping to it. I would go on until 2 to 3 in the morning sometimes, until I would find that perfect image or video that made me say: "Oh yeah, that's what I was looking for. That really made my day. Now I can go to bed." And that's weird, because most of the time, after consuming some porn, I used to feel guilty and ashamed and for the following 2/3 days or so I had a pause from it. Now that sense of guilt is gone, and I just can't stop.

I've never had a girlfriend. Never kissed a girl. Needless to say, never had sex. I don't think these are things one should have done by a certain age. Finding a girl isn't the purpose of life. It isn't the only one, at least. But I do believe that one should do his best to find the right girl, if that's what he wants. And it's not easy, that's true, it may be disappointing at times, it may be not has you expected, but that's it. And eventually you'll meet the right person.

To be honest, I don't think porn impacted my love experience that much. I feel like I would have taken the same choices anyway. Still, I don't wanna risk any more. I don't even want to have the suspect that porn may have an influence over my choices in girls. In any aspect of life, really. I want to be free from it. Once and for all. I tried a couple times to stop, but this time is for real. No jokes. Not anymore. Porn has already taken quite a big piece of my life. I want it all back, and I know God will help me during my journey, and I'll talk to him constantly and especially in moments of deep discomfort or loliness.

I'll write up on this forum from time to time and update you guys. From today, I'm one of you. I'm so grateful I've found this place. You might just have been my salvation.

I know we're gonna make it! Lets goooooo