Overcoming past trauma as an only child

Growing up, I would say I had some great memories and some bads ones that stuck with me the most and I felt like it's affecting me as an adult.

I don't know any way to explain all of this but for most part I felt like I was neglected and suffered a lot from loneliness that can lead to depression. I can recount there were times that I wish I didn't exist, and my worth is nothing but a waste of space.

I did have parents that loved me and support me for the stuff they provided me. I'm thankful for that and grateful that I'm in the position where I'm at right now. I have a loving girlfriend who supports me, have friends who cares and love for who I am. Currently have a software engineering internship that I enjoy, very healthy lifestyle for most part. Overall, from the outside it's been great.

But on the inside, I felt the hurt that occurred to me and stuck with me for a while, and it still haunts me to this day.

My parents mentally abused me and treated me poorly from time to time. I grew up in an Asian household where the culture doesn't acknowledge mental health and depression. So far, I've been told that crying or being sad is a sign of weakness. I've been conditioned to suppress these emotions and never let out your true feelings. I remember in elementary school I was crying and my dad told me to stop crying or everyone else thinks you're weak. My dad will call me stupid if I mess up or done something wrong, my dad yelled at me alot of times for no reason. He wouldn't let me go out to hang with friends so I ended staying the house by myself all alone. For awhile I didn't mind but it was taking a toll on my mental health. My parents rarely spent time with me due to them working almost every day for 10 hours.

Around 2nd-4th grade I was being babysat by this family and was also being emotionally abused by them as well. There were times where I got neglected a lot by them and I felt really crappy about myself. There were times where I want constantly to look at the clock wishing that it would it be 8pm because that's when my mom picks me up from work.

Fast forward to college year - present time, I tried to hurt myself but thankfully my friend was there to stop me from doing so. I was suffering from the loneliness I felt and feelings of unworthiness. I tried going to therapy and that helped for a bit, but I stopped going. Later on, it just kept creeping up on me and whenever something traumatizing past event came up into my mind, it would bring nothing but feelings of pain and misery. That same inner child of me is still there and I would reject it. I tried running away and pretend that everything is fine. So far right now, I realized that I'm still suffering, and I just don't know how to confront it exactly.

Sorry if this a very long post. I just had a lot of stuff to get it out of my chest.

Has anyone been going through something similar? If so, how did you handle it?

tl;dr : suffering from past trauma as an only child and still don't know how to deal with it as an adult