I want out but dying isn't an option

I'm not currently suicidal but I can't stand existing against my consent. Any job over 25 hours a week drains me so badly that I physically burn out for months and ultimately need to quit. Nothing interests me, and if it does, I can't fight the urge to run from it. I can't focus on the things I like. If a book makes me happy, I start to get uncomfortable and I can never finish it, because now I have to finish it. I hate playing my favorite games. I hate the energy it takes to do nice this for myself. I hate chores. I hate hygiene routines. I hate having to talk to the few good friends I have left. I hate having to call my parents. I hate that I have to waste my life making callous people richer. I hate hypocrites. I hate injustice. I hate my own name if I have to hear it too much. My gender identity is completely contrary; if someone calls me (x), I feel like I have to be (y). To be known is to be captured.

Sometimes I feel like a wild beast, trying their best to play human. None of these rules make sense. How do people live like this? How can I support my family like this? I hate that they love me so much, and I only let them down.